When is cheating not actually cheating?

When is cheating not actually cheating? Depends who you ask, I guess.

According to a gal-friend of mine, when the affair you're having is with a member of the same sex, it doesn't actually count. Apparently, her definition of cheating is as wishy-washy as...... err..... Bill Clinton's definition of "sexual relations."

Simply put, her argument was that since men and women have different body parts, neither her boyfriend nor her lover had reason to be jealous of the other, as they weren't even playing the same game (though they were competing for the same prize). Each was giving her ... something different. Bananas to oranges, as it were.

If it was only about the physical act itself, perhaps my friend would have been able to accept that he was ill-equipped to compete for 100% of his girlfriend's attention, when it was clear that she was searching for more than he was genetically able to provide.

But "cheating" can well be defined to include much more than simply a physical affair -- for instance, another friend laments that her boyfriend's mistress is not another woman, but his weekly football on tv or down to the pub with friends.

But there is one common thread -- the emotional response that each of these actions generates is rarely about the nature of the action itself, but is usually about the way that action makes the other person feel.

After all, if your partner is consistently putting something or someone else ahead of your relationship, the natural reaction is to feel hurt, rejected or taken for granted, which is then outwardly manifested as jealousy or anger.

Not a pleasant situation to be in. But if you're unable to suck it up and go about your own life (and really, if you're living separate lives, there's no point in continuing with the relationship), then what do you do?

Every person can and should have their own set of friends and activities that they participate in separate and apart from their significant other, but time spent with those friends or on those activities should never come at the expense of quality time spent together.

it's all about priorities. If you truly love someone, selfishness must get left at the door, and both parties must compromise in order to ensure that their partner feels loved, wanted and valuable.

If she is giving up her yoga class, it's only fair that you give up your football matches on tv. Because if one partner is consistently giving 110% and receiving little to nothing in return, he or she will eventually feel resentful, angry, and possibly even used.

So when two people just can't seem to get it together, when do they reach the point where enough is enough?

Never...

In day to day reality, though, every person are different, as is every person's threshold of tolerance for unpleasant situations. Each person sees infidelity (be it with a man or a woman) differently. Some knowing that their partner is cheating behing their back, still chooses to close one eye.

But no matter what your breaking point, when your partner is no longer able or willing to make you a top priority in his or her life, then self-esteem and self-respect demand that you value yourself enough to recognize that you deserve better.