Entrapment

Recently I actually discover that I enjoyed traveling alone. During this couple of years, I have been traveling alone around the region. Travelling alone gave me precious, undivided time to be with myself, to reflect on my life, the people important to me and about my future. It also allowed me to interact with and learn from the natives of these countries and from fellow tourists. The smiles and cheerfulness of the locals warmed my heart. How can these people with many worries and wants in their lives be so carefree and happy? I cannot help feeling the lack of this spirit within Singaporeans who seemingly have more. During one holiday in Bangkok, I hired a tuk-tuk for the day. The driver chatted about his dysfunctional family and later remarked that his monthly salary was what I paid for a day’s stay in the five star hotel that I was staying in. I had accidentally left my day bag in his tuk-tuk at the end of the day. The ever chatty and friendly driver delivered it to my hotel at 5.30am the next day. Families live in the streets and slums of India often surviving on one hot meal a day. Although they go around begging and are shunned by the locals and the tourists, they are never discouraged. What hope and aspirations do these people have to continue living their lives? What kind of a better tomorrow do they have? I met a Thai man in a café in Bangkok. Whilst talking to him, I learnt that he worked in a bar in Patpong. He was describing his job as a professional career. He was happy and took pride in what he was doing. I feel that we can learn a lot about living life from these individuals.

I have a knack of striking lasting friendships with Caucasian tourists in my travels. What attracts me to Caucasians is their admirable zeal for life. They are capable of finding joy in their lives. And of course, they are great conversationalists. Their conversations are deep and insightful because of their interest and concern for other human beings, the issues around them and their willingness to listen. I admire their ability to take risks and their adaptability to changes. An elderly Australian woman whom I met during a holiday in Europe once wrote to me to announce her move to another part of Australia where she knew no one and she was going to embark on a totally different career.

It is a sad fact of life in Singapore that we are consumed by one big ‘C’ — Career. Career is powerful. It often upstages every other aspect of life. Don’t mistake me. I am not against building up one’s career or working hard at it. I am unhappy about the great opportunity cost of career building in Singapore. If the big ‘C’ is crucial, let’s then forget about enhancing family ties, love and marriage, having children, volunteerism and the arts. Sure, we can talk about balanced lifestyle, which is a subjective definition. How many of us can truly have such a balance in our lives? I hope everyone gets rich and gets everything they want. perhaps than they will realise that it is not the answer?

Most of us are safe career-builders. We did what our parents wanted. Get a good education and secure a good job = more money. Taking risks, sacrifices and compromises — essentials of entrepreneurship — are taboos for the majority of us. In the midst of career building, we are unconsciously building up our Fears. Fears of failure, rejection, disappointment, pain, disability to meet obligations or even success. Fears help us to continue living in the known and safe territory. Are all our Fears founded? Are our Fears helping us or hindering us from learning, progressing in our lives and living life to the fullest? When I share about my venture into a new and unknown project with the people around me, I find it amusing how they so quickly rattle off endless reasons to discourage me. I appreciate their concern. How will we know whether these Fears are real until we take a step into unknown territory? Our Minister of Entrepreneurship has a mammoth task of creating entrepreneurs in Singapore.

There are many Singaporean men and women who make a stand to live their lives according to their wishes, dreams and aspirations. It is these stories of men and women which truly inspire and motivate me in my life. These individuals are no different from any one of us. They too have considerations and fears. The difference is that they do not see themselves as victims and take risks.

Recently, I had the opportunity of meeting a high-flier civil servant, whom I shall call Sam and his then fiancée one week before their wedding at a Coffee Club outlet. Sam has very impressive credentials. Yet, he is a humble, caring, open, reflective and joyful young man. Earlier on, Sam and I were in e-mail communication and when I first spoke to him on the telephone whilst he was on his way to a meeting one late afternoon, I was struck by his high energy and cheerfulness which is not often seen within most of us. Sam’s guiding principle in life is simple: ‘Every dream is worth chasing. Let’s seize the opportunities and be grateful for them. Let’s be grateful and contented with what we have. There is a purpose for the occurrence of every incident in life and the world would be a better place if everyone is happy.’

After his GCE ‘O’ levels, Sam’s parents sent him to a boarding school in England. It was tough for a 16-year-old to uproot himself and adjust to a life of living alone. He shared that those years made him independent, helped create a deep sense of self-awareness and led him to seriously consider what he wanted in his life. At the age of 25, Sam, a second-generation permanent resident, enlisted into National Service. Of his BMT days, Sam said, ‘I stopped thinking that I was older than the rest of the recruits and I met lots of different people.’

After a stint in the civil service, Sam left his cushy job to join a large local law firm to embark on private law practice. After some time, he gave up a promising partnership to return to the civil service. I felt that the reason for his decision was because he gave due importance to living his life. ‘I wanted to have dinner with my wife at home and not talk to her on the telephone from the office whilst she is at home at night.’ What speaks of Sam is the importance that he places on contributing to his family and friends. Time devoted to these important people in his life is a priority to him. ‘Lack of time is a lame excuse,’ he said in a disapproving tone. ‘What distinguishes him from other busy professionals is that he always make time to chat and catch up with you, no matter how busy he is. He is always good for a laugh,’ was how a friend and former colleague described Sam.

If a person of some intelligence devotes nearly all his working hours to his career, it is no great surprise that he excels in his career. The greater and true challenge we face in 21st century Singapore is living a wholesome life and not the life that we are expected to live, or worse, we feel that we have to life. To find time to smile at our fellow Singaporeans. To be happy. To have dinner with the family. To spend time with people who are significant to us. To find that life-mate. To make that personal contribution to society. Isn’t that what life is about? If we cannot even achieve some of these simple intangible goals in life, I wonder whether a successful career adds any meaning to life. I wonder who is richer in life? Me or the tuk-tuk driver in Bangkok? A friend said to me some time ago, ‘Life is simple. It is we who make it complex.’

The challenge for most of us is to have both work and a fulfilling life. We can never find a fine balance and often conflicts arise. Compromises and sacrifices need to be made. The rush, juggling of several activities within 24 hours and lack of sufficient sleep are small prices to pay for self-contentment and a smile from the heart.

Perhaps, that’s the secret of Sam’s youth and the laughter in his voice.

Do we live to work or work to live? What’s your choice? And yes, you do have a choice.